All right, I’m going to admit… I’m touching on a raw topic here! I’m sure I’ll get all sorts of daggers thrown at me, but hear me out o.k!?
How many of you answered “YES!” to the question in the subject line? – “Does your husband look at OTHER women?”
If you try and tell me “NO! Never!” then you’ve been fooled, because at the end of the day it’s in their nature to look at other women! I even see my own husband do it from time to time! Plus I know for a fact that when all our husbands get together at work, they all joke and share their stories about the hot women they spotted recently! It’s just what guys do!
But hey let’s be real here…guys are not in the only ones! Women look too! I was at Six Flags theme park the other week and my husband caught me staring at the 6-pak on the dude dressed up as “Mr Tumnus” from “The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe”! haha!
However… does this mean my husband and I are not attracted to each other? Does this mean we are not faithful to one another? … No! Absolutely not! We are hopelessly in love with each other and very much attracted to each other. We trust each other 100%. In fact … my weight-loss journey, has only strengthened our relationship and we are even MORE attracted to EACH OTHER than we ever were before.
You are probably wondering what I’m getting at here …
Well prior to losing weight, I was very uncomfortable in my body, and had very little confidence in all areas of my life. I mean I wouldn’t even get dressed in front my husband! I would lock the bathroom door, or turn the lights off so he couldn’t see. I would often avoid social events because I was afraid of people judging me. This put a huge wall between us, and I’m not going to lie, this was very difficult for him to accept, and created many arguments between the two of us.
But not only that, I would have the audacity to make my husband feel guilty whenever I caught him looking at the opposite sex. I would leave our relationship feeling strained for the rest of the day, making sly digs and remarks about his faith in the relationship, when all he was doing was “looking”.
I’m sure many of you are confused, and you are probably feeling like my husband was in fact in the wrong! But at the end of the day, he was carrying out a natural human instinct – something that both male and females do every day, married or not. The reality is that I was expressing insecurities about myself, and blaming him for it!
However, It was NOT my husband’s responsibility to make me feel better about myself by not looking at other women – that’s not solving any problems about my insecurities. It was MY responsibility to take control and make myself better by FINDING confidence through health & fitness.
So I did exactly that. Many months later of hard work, sweat, tears and mind games I finally found peace within myself! I was blessed with confidence, satisfaction, happiness and a stronger marriage! I am no longer phased or jealous by catching my husband looking at other women, I can get dressed confidently in front of my husband, and I don’t think twice about social events, because I am now secure enough in my own mind, body and spirit.
My husband is extremely grateful for my decision to commit to this life-changing journey. Not for his “satisfaction” but for the survival of our relationship. We both wonder if I hadn’t made that choice to change things for my sanity, then would we have survived the turmoil that my insecurities produced in our relationship? I owed it to myself FIRST, but as a married woman, I owed it to our relationship too…
I know many women, not just military spouses, suffer from the same insecurities I once did, but as military spouses I feel we have a GREATER duty to be confident in ourselves.
We are the ones who have to survive many lonely days. We are the ones who have to make the time our husbands are around worth every minute. We are the ones who have to have the confidence to deal with difficult situations alone when he is gone. We are the ones who have to bring happiness into our children’s lives when they miss their daddy. – That’s a huge responsibility, and what better way to get through it all, than putting our health and fitness first! The endorphins are going to pump through your veins, and you will feel like a weight has (literally) been lifted of you shoulders. The other obstacles and struggles in your life are not going to feel half as challenging.
My dad always said “Everything falls into place when you have your health!” … And you know what?! He was SO right!
maria! yet again another great blog! i know that my job and my health and my success in all aspects of my life will be propelled foward… not because of a number on the scale but because i dont feel good about myself.. i never have and i need too.. it consumes my everywaking moment.. even when im on a job site.. this wont do at all. also, im sure my hubby will very much appreciate that this is my last summer in sweats !
Thank you for such down to earth, striaght forward , i -can-relate-to- this writing. keep it up!
Great post Maria. I know the same was true for me, when I decided to take charge of my health and fitness, my life sured turned around. Funny thing is that you really don’t realize how things are until you change them. I blamed a lot of stuff on my husband, my family, everybody around me until I realized that it was me. Once I made the change to get fit and healthy, my whole family is much more postive.